Travel Transition Truth Part 3

Part 3: Truth

"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them." -Galileo Galilei

This is by far the hardest of the three in this series of blogs to write.  The truth is, being honest and truthful can be really hard.  It's not because I have anything to hide, but more so because my truth is constantly changing.  I am still growing and evolving into the person I have been created to be and each time I think I have myself figured out, I discover something else.   

In the past few weeks since my last blog, I have faced some hard truths.  Some have been tougher pills to swallow than others and I know it is because I often let my pride get in the way.  But, I have also learned that by taking a step back, reflecting, and being really honest with myself, I can gain something postive from each of those situations.

One of my "here's your sign" moments came during a long run and then again the day after.  As I had mentioned in my last blog, I am preparing to run a marathon in 2017.  I have been training for about a month with the expectation that I would run the marathon at the beginning of April. The training plan began around the the first week of November and thought that would give me plenty of time to work up to a marathon distance.  I knew this was going to be a goal that wouldn't be easy and I actually welcomed that.  I like working toward things that seem just out of reach because it makes the want to accomplish it that much more of a need.  What I didn't take into consideration is that although I am not new to running, (I've ran several distances including a half marathon in this year alone) I have not been consistant with it.  So as I began long run days that were becoming two hour runs instead of hour long runs, my brain, my body, and my will just wasn't ready.  After being more sore than I would like to be after days that were supposed to be "easy", I realized I needed to take a step back and reassess.

My initial thoughts were that of defeat.  I was upset that I was letting myself down as well as others.  After all, I had just announced to the world/those that read this blog that I would be running this marathon and now it was beginning to look and feel like I wouldn't.  After some anger, tears, and a pity party, I allowed myself to become much more realistic about the goal I had set for myself.  I had to remind myself that I still had plenty of time to train for a marathon and to run one in this next year.  I just needed to take it slow.  Instead of running a full in April, it was decided that I would run a half instead and from there continue my training till October where I will run the full 26.2 miles.  I find out in about a week if I got picked for the Chicago Marathon Lottery which takes place mid October and at the perfect time in my new training plan.  I have also faced the reality that I may not get picked for the race so I have found another one that I will do instead so that I stay encouraged to continue working toward this goal I have set for myself.

The truth is, running can be hard and running a full marathon can be harder but knowing one's limits and enjoying the journey makes the struggle worth it. 

Another truth about myself that became apparent in the past few weeks is one of my biggest faults.  It is the want and often times the need to be right.  I am not the only person in the world that struggles with this.  I know because often times the people I find myself wanting to be right around are the people that have the same want and need.  Depending on the person and the topic being discussed will determine how persistant I am about getting to an end result where my truth is THE TRUTH.  Often times it is over trivial things, which makes this fault so much worse.  I have a need to be right about things like who used a camp vehicle last and didn't put gas in it, where to find something in the grocery store, or telling someone what time they sent a response text and why it didn't make sense.  This actually happened a couple of days ago and sent me into more of a tizy than it should have.  This fault has become something of a burden for me.  I have found that I have been letting it get in the way of some of my friendships.  I hope and pray that my friends have not felt this burden like I do.  It just isn't worth it.  I care so much more about them than I care about being right and I have found it very life giving to admit to myself and aloud when I am wrong.  It not only humbles me in those relationships, but it gives credit where it is due.

The truth is, the need to be right isn't what is important.  The relationships that you can trust to have those arguments with are.

In my last blog, I jokingly mentioned that I see myself going through some early midlife crisis due to some new thoughts or actions that have crept up on me in the past few months.  I am still wearing a ton of flannel instead of the cardigan that you would have seen me in earlier in the year.  I am still contemplating a nose piercing even though I will most likely never follow through.  And, the desire to get out and see the world continues to grow stronger by the day.  In this time, I have found that I don't need to get things right the first time and I dont need to be right every time.  I will continue to struggle and in that struggle there will be growth.                                                    
                                                                                                               
Because the truth is, life is a blessing--full of discoveries.  And, what we make of it is the best gift we can give ourselves.

My Last Lecture: Part 1

I’m lucky enough to work in a place that encourages us to create and grow relationships not only with those that we serve but also those that we work with.  We have staff meetings twice a month and during some of that meeting time we get to hear “what’s up” with the people that we work with and what is going on in their lives that is important to them.  We also begin all our meetings with a devotion and this has looked many different ways over the three years that I have been here.  In the spring, we decided to read a book and discuss what elements of that book or story could be related to our lives daily and spiritually.  The book that we chose was The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch.

Several of us had read the book before but it was nice to revisit it.  The plan was to read and discuss the content in relation to us during the spring and then we had the summer to create our own last lecture that we would present to each other during our fall meetings.  We were given a lot of wiggle room and creative space to make this “lecture” what we wanted it to be.  Our only criterion was that we had a time limit in which we could deliver our message and it had to deliver a message of wisdom we have gained thus far in our lives.

If you are unfamiliar with the book and where it stemmed from, it was a lecture given during a lecture series by different professors and staff at Carnegie Mellon University.  This particular book focuses on the wisdom that Randy Pausch wanted to leave with his listeners because this would in fact be one of the last opportunities he would have to do so.  Randy Pausch passed away from cancer following the lecture and the publication of the book based on that lecture.

Because my background is in education and I LOVE school, I decided that my lecture would be based on the wisdom I gained in different subject areas of school.  When I delivered it a few days ago, the speech was about 15 min long and based on bulleted notes.  I decided that I would take the “lecture” that I gave and break it up between three blog entries so as to not bog you readers down with a lot of type and reading.  In this particular entry, I will be covering the subjects of Science and Math and the life lessons that I gained as I reflect back on the last 26 years of life.

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Last Lecture

The Things We Learn Inside and Outside of School

Science: It’s Important to dig deep and experiment

I really enjoyed Science in school.  I liked it until my first chemistry class and then my love for the subject became quite questionable.  Science was COOL!  Getting to do experiments regularly was something that I looked forward to almost daily when working with this subject.  I remember talking about properties of matter by creating an interesting substance called “Oobleck”, experimenting with heat and watching things blow up, and one of my favorites was when we suctioned an egg though the top of a bottle.

But what I loved most about science was that it was full of answers but there was always room for growth and error.  When we started digging into the scientific method, I loved it even more.  We were allowed to try something and change our minds if we wanted to based on the outcome.  We learned that there isn’t always one way to do something but sometimes there is a best way to do it.  And, much of this digging deep and experimenting didn’t only have to happen in the classroom.  It could happen in everyday life.

When I was old enough and brave enough to start cooking and following recipes, I got my fair share of experimenting with what works and what doesn’t.  I never understood why I could make something absolutely divine once and then it tastes awful the next time I made it.  Did I forget an ingredient? Was the oven set at the right temperature? Did I cook it long enough?  Did I use salt instead of sugar? These are all questions that I have asked myself at least once while cooking or trying to repeat foods.

As I matured and was able to self reflect, I began discovering what made me “tick”.  Sometimes I would wonder why some things would set me off when others wouldn’t.  Or how that one thing could drive me nuts at one moment but the next moment I could be oblivious to it.  Being in relationships with people and learning the anatomy of how that relationship functions is always fun.  Some friends really bring out the fun, exciting, creative side of me, while others may see a more pensive, subdued side.  Each relationship functions differently and what works in one may not work in another, but we have the room to try.

                       

Science has allowed me to grow in many ways.  I can experiment to see what works and what doesn’t.  I can stick to those things that I know work, but I also have grace room to make change.  I’ve learned that there isn’t always one right way (and my way isn’t always the right way when working with people although sometimes it might be the best way…just kidding!) 

Math: Use a pencil! You’re going to make mistakes!

Math has an EXACT outcome.  For example: 2+2 will always equal 4.  Always!  And where there was some wiggle room for error in science, there is very very little of that in math.  So, when I was in school, doing math in anything besides a pencil was off limits.

Pens in school were a novelty for a long time.  I was in fifth grade before we were allowed to start using them for anything else other than correcting or grading work.  The only subject that we weren’t ever allowed to use pen in was math.  I hated this.  I think I saw the pen as a sign of maturity and when we couldn’t use them for math I felt I was regressing back to “the days of being a child”.  Yes, I actually thought I was a grown up at the age of twelve.

Through junior high, we would lose points in grade if we used a pen instead of a pencil.  And even in high school, depending on the teacher, this rule was still in place.  I learned that this was because our teachers wanted us to show our work and if we messed up with pen it meant we had to scratch out our work, white it out and write over it, or start completely over.  If we were ever brave enough to turn in math homework with scratches and scribbles all over it, we could pretty much guarantee a grade reduction just for the sloppiness of our work.

I once had a teacher tell the class, “You didn’t give yourself the grace to make a change with pen so I’m not giving you grace in your grade.  Plus pen scratches just look sloppy and math is supposed to be neat…”  I then realized the gift of the pencil.  It allowed you to make the mistake in the subject of right and wrong.  You could always erase and start over with a pencil.

There are times I can think back to that I would have loved to have a pencil to erase and start over.  One such time was when I was in high school and had just gotten my driver’s license.  I was seeing a boy that my parents weren’t fond of so I rarely saw him outside of school.  I was also the kid in school that HATED getting in trouble so I never rebelled, but on this one occasion, I did.

(This is also my favorite story about my mother and I grew to appreciate her more and more after this happened)

I was going to a dance one weekend and I had told my parents that I would be picking up a girl friend and we would be going to the dance together.  They were okay with that arrangement and gave me a curfew for the night.  I left the house on a Saturday evening, picked up the friend, went to the dance, took the friend home, and went home soon after.  The next morning my mom came into my room and asked where I had been the night before.  I told her the chain of events listed above, she looked at me funny but then left my room.  This interrogation happened over the course of a few days and as each day went by I became more firm and permanent with my answer.

Finally my mother couldn’t stand it anymore and demanded that I tell her the truth because she knew there were some events I had left out of my story.  And, being the wise woman she is, she was right.  I had done all those things but after I was at the dance for all of five minutes, I drove to this boy’s house and spent the evening with him before picking my friend back up and going home.  I demanded for her to tell me how she knew.  Well… she used math.

She knew roughly how many miles it would take me to pick up my friend, get to the dance, drop her back off, and come home.  She had checked the odometer before I had left and then checked it the next morning and saw that I was about fifteen miles over her estimation.  BUSTED!  If I could have erased that whole lie, I would have.  It was the biggest one I had ever told and I felt awful.  The deeper I got into it and the more permanent it became, the harder it was for me to tell the truth.  I learned to tell the truth from the beginning knowing that sometimes the truth would hurt or not be the right answer, but I always had the grace to fix it if I needed to. 

                       

Math may be exact, but we are not.  It’s important to stay flexible and be willing to make mistakes.  Most of the time we can go back and correct those but it’s a lot harder to do if we permanently set our minds to something and it can also create for a messier situation.  Thank goodness for the day that I discovered the pens with the eraser. 

My Year in a Nutshell

Every three to four months, the staff that I work with is asked to write a report to the board of directors for our camping system.  In these reports, we are asked to give life updates—most of them pertaining to what we are doing in relation to our job descriptions.  But, they are genuinely interested in our personal lives and want to know what we are doing to keep ourselves happy and healthy outside of the work place.

It’s usually around this time of year that I take the most time to reflect.  Since I was in junior high, I marked my years in two different ways.  I kept track of time like most people based on the calendar year that starts in January.  But, I also mark a year of time right around now (the month of September).  There are multiple reasons for this.  Summer ending and moving into another school year was usually a big transition and I loved that my year always ended with going to camp but began with school.  For those that know me well, they know that these are two things in life that I LOVED!  Camp was a great way to end that time and school to begin another.  It also happens to be the month of my birthday, which also marks my years for me.  So, it seems to make sense to me that I would keep track of time in this way, also.

We have another board meeting approaching in October and in this report I usually include all the highlights from the summer but also the things that I’m looking forward to as we approach another camp year. (We also seem to count years by summers, so it is quite convenient for me and my preference of counting)  It is natural for me then to reflect not only on what has been happening with me professionally but also in my day to day life outside of my work so that I can make adjustments and look toward my hopes and dreams for the future.

In the words of a dear friend from high school, “A lot can happen in a year!”  And, as I take a jog down memory lane, these words ring true.

Around this time last year I had the opportunity to be apart of many new relationships.  I started dating a dear man that introduced me to a group of wonderful people.  As time went on and relationships grew, I began to wonder where I had been the past three years.  Until this time, many of my friendships were with people that I either saw on a daily basis at work or hardly at all due to distance.  I have been blessed to have gotten to know many of these friends over the course of the year and I’m hoping that those relationships continue to grow.

Over the next six months or so following that time, I got the chance to love someone in a way that I hadn’t in a long time and it felt good to let walls and guards down.  And although that relationship didn’t make it, there were so many things that I learned and got to experience during that time.  I discovered the wonders of a state I had never been to, go to my first big twelve football game, and I grew in ways that I didn’t know I could.  I saw compassion and care for others from this person almost on a daily basis and I was in awe of what it did for those around him.  I wanted to push myself to be more like this and over this past year, I have found myself taking more time to slow down and take in what is around me so that I can make others happier.

And following that time, I have jumped head first into being more active.  I have taken up running and swimming, and with some nudging from friends, I may invest in a road bike to round out my workout routine.  I have found joy in making my body work hard and I have seen results in more ways than one.  My body is becoming healthier and I am more and more happy with its appearance as the days go by.  But, what I am most proud of and excited about is that I am now able to do things that I would have laughed about a year ago.  I got lifeguard trained and certified for the first time at the age of twenty-six and just ran a distance race that was longer than a 5K.  A girlfriend of mine has somehow convinced me that I am ready to start training for my first half marathon that we are hoping to do in February, so training for that will begin shortly.

This summer was phenomenal! There are so many things that I could say about it that I’m worried if I start, I may not be able to finish.  Or, this blog will turn into something of a novel and I don’t want to bore readers much more than I already might.  But, I should share a few highlights because I giggle every time I think about them.

Highlight #1: Getting to work as a summer staff member during the weeks we were tight on staff.  It was a great hands-on experience and a reminder of why I love what I do!

Highlight #2: 8yr old camper weighing no more that 60lbs having a voice that boomed louder than any adult that I knew singing the “Taco Bell” song. 

            “Mmmm. Yeah. Burrito. Yeah!”

Highlight #3: Staff member at day camp during music rotation letting campers lead their favorite song for the group.  One camper chose “Sixties Party”.  The next few minutes played out as such…

Staff: “Ready so-and-so to lead that song?”

Camper: “Yep. It’s a sexy party in a sexy movie…”

Staff: “…Sixties party! Sixties party!”

Camper: “Oh yeah.  I’ll start over…It’s a sexy party in a sexy movie…”

Staff: “SIXTIES party.  How about I help you lead the song?”

Camper: “Awesome!  Thanks!”

Highlight #4: Getting to lead devotions for staff.  My favorites are when I got to read children’s books as a part of them.  (I think most staff secretly liked those the best, too because I have gotten quite a few Skippyjon Jones things since that time) 

Highlight #5: Getting to be a part of the crew to light fireworks for the campers during our 4^th of July celebration.  There is something really magical about seeing them explode directly above you.

And now, as the autumn and my favorite time of year approaches, I begin to make plans that take me into the future and help to develop new relationships that are forming.  So many great things have happened in the past twelve months and I can’t help but find myself getting nostalgic when I hear a certain song or visit a certain place with a specific group of people.  I look forward to creating new memories as this next year begins with relationships that are new and old, but with me I will carry all the fond moments of the past.  Here is to another great year!

"The Three Questions"

I love to read.  I’m not as avid about it as I’d like to be, but when I find the opportunity to sit down with a book I often find myself engulfed until the book’s completion.  Over the past few years, I have noticed that I have committed myself to reading more books that are compiled with short stories.  I have found that I enjoy the quick read and I don’t feel so guilty when I have to put the book down and don’t pick it up for weeks at a time.

Through out the summer, I have had the opportunity to meet so many different people and have had the pleasure of spending quality time with a good amount of them.  A few weeks ago, I got the chance to spend some great quality time with our new ranch camp director and in the short amount of time we had together; I felt she brought a breath of fresh air that I was in desperate need of.  We talked about life—past, present, and future and the hopes within each of these times.  One such topic was about our favorite reads and the want to share them with each other.  She has hopes to start a book club with a group of people once she settles in and I was all over that idea.  So after she left, I went home, feeling inspired to read and picked up one of my favorite books of short stories by Leo Tolstoy.

Of all the great stories, my favorite is “The Three Questions”.  In this story there is a king that has three questions that he wants to have answered—What is the best time to do each thing?  Who are the most important people to work with?  And, what is the most important thing to do at all times?  The king tries seeking advice from different people and in his quest to find the answers, a series of events happens that leads him to what he was hoping to find.

“Remember then that there is only one important time, and that time is now.  The most important one is always the one you are with.  And the most important thing is to do good for the one who is standing at your side.  For these are the answers to what is most important in this world.  This is why we are here.”

This story is always a great reminder of how I hope to lead my life.  Each person I encounter, and each person I have the pleasure of getting to know, is someone that has the ability to impact my life as much as I have the ability to do that for them.  And although I feel that the most important time is to be in the moment so as not to miss anything, the past and the future still define each of us.  There are lessons that have been learned and lessons to be learned.  And what I have found upon self reflection is that relationships are something that I cherish.  It’s important for me to try to give 110% in each one that I’m in whether it’s family, friends, romantic relationships, or new acquaintances.  

I often times struggle knowing that some relationships go by the wayside, but there is hope that the love and care that I was able to put in while I could will surpass our relationship and be shown toward others that they and myself encounter.  At the end of each day, I am thankful for the people that have been a blessing in my life and I pray for a future of many more relationships that I can grow and learn from.  But, until then…the most important time is now and the most important people are the ones that I’m surrounded by, and the most important thing to do is to love and care for those that are by my side.

Epiphany

Epiphany

3 a (1): a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something (2) : an intuitive grasp of reality through something (as an event) usually simple and striking (3) : an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure

-Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary

Tis the season to continue being jolly. 

January sixth was the first day of Epiphany.  In many Christian churches, this is the day that Jesus is revealed to the world through the visit of the three wise men and it is a great cause for celebration.  January sixth also happened to be the last day of our summer staff reunion.

The program staff was blessed to be joined and supported by a fellow staff member who also serves as a pastor.  She was asked if she would be willing to hang around for discernment time for the summer staff as well as be willing to lead the group in worship, daily.  She took this task and ran with it and the program staff couldn’t be more thankful.  She focused on Epiphany—the season in the church as well as the day to day ways that God continually reveals himself to people.

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Since the beginning of December, I have been blessed with quite a bit of time off.  I spent most of this time traveling and experiencing new places and people—two things that I absolutely love.  I had a conversation with someone recently and they asked if I would be willing to ever take a “desk job”.  I said I definitely would as long as my desk came with a phone.

In the time that I spent traveling, I had the blessing of meeting people from all places of the world as well as all walks of life. 

Earlier in December, I joined a friend on a cruise.  This was my first time on a traveling ship and I didn’t know what to expect so in the days leading up to our departure, I really depended on him to make me knowledgeable of all that I needed to know while on that adventure.  Once we boarded the ship and finally set sail, I had the opportunity to explore the ship and find opportunities to be social.  My first opportunity came the first night on the ship when we sat down for dinner. 

I had been assigned to a table that was able to seat ten and the table ended up hosting three different parties of people for a total of nine of us.  We each came from a different place and we each had a story to tell.  One group was a family from Houston.  It was a group of four but they were representing three generations of their family.  There was a group of three from Kansas City who were retired and enjoying their time away from the hustle and bustle of their former work.  And, my friend and I completed the group—two, twenty-somethings looking to strengthen a friendship.

Each night we sat together and recapped our happenings from the day and each night we continued to grow and strengthen relationships with one another—strangers.  There was a night toward the end of the trip that the family from Houston did not join us and we spent at least fifteen minutes wondering if they were okay, if their day had been pleasant, and if they would be joining us for the rest of the week.  We did find out later that the youngest member of their family (3 yrs old) had too exciting of a day and had gone to bed much earlier that evening.  But, it was in that fifteen minutes that I realized that our relationships had grown so much to wonder and concern ourselves with the well being of people we had met only days earlier.  It was also later that evening that I had an opportunity to hang out with the Kansas City group outside of our regularly scheduled dinner time.  They shared the joys of the Midwest with me and were excited to hear that I would be visiting Kansas in the following weeks.

I got to see some remarkable places and experience things that I had never done before, i.e. holding a lion cub, but the things that I took away most from that trip were the relationships that were formed in a seven day period of time.  It took me back to the days of when I was away for a week at camp and formed relationships with people that I still keep near and dear to my heart.

Weeks later, I got to go home to Bay City and spend time with my family.  It was the first time I had been home in almost a year and it was actually hard to be there.  This was the first Christmas that my brother wasn’t a part of our family gathering.  It hurt and it was weird to be there without him.  As we have gotten older, our relationship has grown and there is a great love and appreciation for one another, so to not have him there was a struggle for all of us. 

And, about a week after that, I had my first opportunity to visit the state of Kansas.  Since September, I had heard all the joys and wonders of the heartland and I was looking forward to experiencing it myself.  Upon my arrival to the state, I made a stop in Wichita for lunch and a break from driving.  I found a Subway, ordered a sandwich and sat down at a table alone.  About two bites into my sandwich and with my mouth full, I was approached by two young boys about the age of ten.  They both looked at each other and then back at me and in unison said, “You’re beautiful.”  And, then as quickly as they came, they walked away.  I barely had a chance to swallow my food and squeak out a “thank you” before I realized what had just happened.

One sandwich, a wonderful compliment, and about an hour later, I arrived at my destination.  I had the opportunity to experience the flint hills of Kansas and see some of the state’s true beauty—land and relationships.  In the short time that I was there, I was greeted with a stranger’s compliment, open arms from a family, laughter and smiles from friends that had only heard about me, wags and kisses from a few camp pups, and some of the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen.  It is really hard to explain how at home I felt in a place that I had never previously been to.  I can only attribute that feeling to the relationships and friendships that were introduced and strengthened while I was there. 

When I returned to camp and had the opportunity to join in with the worship times, the past month played over and over in my head as we talked about epiphany and how God continues to reveal himself to us daily.  It was in an epiphany or “ah ha” moment that I realized that God continually shows himself to me through the relationships I have with people.  It’s through the love that we share that I see and feel his presence.  As a sinful being, I am not capable of loving those around me with as much vigor as I do without the presence of God.

I am thankful daily that I live the life that I do.  I pray that I can continue to see God on cruise vacations, family gatherings, and expeditions to new places.  Tis the season to continue being jolly!